Read that again. 👆🏼👆🏼👆🏼
When I first became pregnant, I was also learning to detach from the web of codependency woven among myself, my own parents + siblings. Not only was I navigating new sobriety, I was doing so among those closest to me who had little desire to quit drinking themselves. I was in a constant war within. I was scared + grieving + confused, all while growing a precious baby in my womb.
Exhausted, it hit me.
I couldn’t do both.
I could no longer manage the emotions + feelings + thoughts of my old family, while establishing my new one. I could no longer break cycles, without first breaking free. I could no longer remain an obedient daughter + also do this wife/mama thing differently. I could no longer abandon myself in my old family, and continue to do so in my new one, even + especially when it felt familiar + comfortable.
I had to let go.
Enter, new uncharted waters.
Enter, more grief.
@glennondoyle speaks beautifully on this topic. She is a mentor in my sobriety, and continues to be in sharing the beautiful gospel of #untamed motherhood. She reminds me often that being a martyr for my child is not “good” parenting, even when society pressures me to believe that lie, and especially when it echoes my childhood role of quiet, obedient, accommodating. My babies will come to know that abandoning themselves was never their burden to carry, but returning to their truth + wholeheartedly living it freely is.
