Growing up in a household where drugs + alcohol was prevalent, where cops were called often, where appropriate communication + boundaries were non existent, it was easy for me to step into the role of over compensating. I got straight As, excelled in sports + realized very early on that I was needed more than I was appreciated. This wasn’t intentional of course, it sorta just happened by default. I loved my role; I felt safe + like I belonged. I fulfilled this role late into my twenties and it affected every relationship even when it was no longer asked of me. I didn’t know how to show up and not offer, not earn, not prove myself worthy. I began creating my own cycle of self sabotage. I was exhausted, resentful + bitter.
In my thirties I started working to no longer overcompensate. I still feel it arise, and I have to consciously choose to sit back, not rescue, not save, not advise, not fix. This doesn’t mean I can’t offer safe space for someone, extend empathy, or serve others. It simply means I no longer allow myself to be absorbed + lost in the noise or shame. I now trust that I am enough. Oh, and my favorite part? I can model this same enough-ness for my children.
If you have some time, I really recommend you take a listen to her podcast. She is one of my favorite humans. It may help you reflect + grow, especially in the wake of this challenging time. I do believe there is a gray area somewhere in the middle where we can give without losing ourselves AND learn to ask for help + take it without shrinking away in a shame spiral. It’s an ebb + flow within awareness. ✨
Courses on Boundaries, Heal from Codependency, Stewardship, and Rising Daughters are all available immediately for access to every active DYW member. Not only do you receive the self-paced video courses, but you get access to a monthly masterclass (including all the previous ones), bonus content, and email support with me.
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Now is the time to Discover Your Worth.