When I first became a mother I would lose my cool often + then retreat into a dark shame spiral so deep that I missed the opportunity to reconnect. I believed that as a parent I had to hold firm with what I said, never show my cards, and make sure she knew I was boss. I parented how I was parented… rigidity, little communication, minimal affection. I ached inside because I felt horrible, didn’t know what I was doing, and dreaded the next blow up. This made me withdrawal from her even more.
If there’s one thing I’ve embraced in being a mother, its that I’m a human one. There will be days where my patience runs short. I will snap at my kids + lose my temper. The healing I’ve embraced has allotted me more awareness, more ability to step back + pause, and thus the ability to respond more appropriately most times. But in the end, I’ll never be perfect, and that’s okay. Here is where the REPAIR matters.
Focusing on the repair and not the rupture has allowed me many wonderful gifts. I can show my children my remorse + the beauty of forgiveness. I can show them I’m human. I can show them tools + ways to communicate when conflict arises. I can show them that we all make mistakes, but that love wins and that I’ll continue working + striving + trying to connect with them no matter the mess before us. They are worthy of this. We are worthy of this. ((More thoughts in my stories today))