Contrary to popular belief, you don’t have to lose yourself to show up for someone. I was asked yesterday “how can I be a safe friend to others?”
It’s not by over committing.
It’s not by picking up on the first ring.
It’s not by having the perfect things to say.
It’s not by being the loudest cheerleader.
It’s not by martyring yourself or your needs.
👉🏼Being a good/safe friend is being a friend who is clear + kind about their limits.
If you can’t hold space, you let them know when you can. And when you can, you do so without judgment.
Safety comes in the form of honesty, consistency + clear boundaries. Friendships that thrive off of trying to save or fix are not friendships at all// they are instead filling a deep rooted familiarity of insecurity + people pleasing stemming from a childhood wound. We repeat what we don’t repair.
If you find yourself the one who “always” has to listen, or “always” has the answers, or “always” is needed by others, it may be time to look at your boundaries. Ask yourself, “what am I benefiting from allowing myself no limits?” Believe it or not, you are gaining something, even if it’s just the comfortable role of your past…