As I entered this healing journey, I still had a deep desire to “help.” But I had to slow down + really examine the motivation behind it.
Was I just needing to be needed?
Was I trying to make a point?
Was I avoiding helping myself?
Was I hoping to have control?
Was I trying to save/fix?
Was I working to earn my spot?
I was a few months into sobriety when someone said “no” to my help. It wasn’t a big event, it was a simply a gentle decline to something, but boy did it S T I N G. What they didn’t know was that they were helping me establish a new identity. They weren’t just saying “no” to my help, they were reminding me that I no longer had to be the helper, do-er, fixer, saver, volunteer in every relationship. I no longer had to earn or prove or work. I could just be me. The sting subsided, + I felt a sense of freedom arise. I am still thankful.
It is okay to say “no” to someone who is “just trying to help.” It doesn’t make you uncaring, cold or selfish. Somewhere along the way we have been taught to believe that boundaries don’t apply to the givers/nice guys. But sometimes even the givers need to know that they can show up empty handed + be welcomed, loved + accepted as is.
Courses on Boundaries, Heal from Codependency, Stewardship, and Rising Daughters are all available immediately for access to every active DYW member. Not only do you receive the self-paced video courses, but you get access to a monthly masterclass (including all the previous ones), bonus content, and email support with me.
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Now is the time to Discover Your Worth.