We must look to our first relationships to heal. If you continue to feel stuck, confused or unhappy— its most likely because you are unconsciously acting from a caregiver wound.
My parents did the best they could. My father lost his parents at a young age, and my mother is the second oldest of eight. Both worked two jobs + busted their ass to get us name brand clothes from Goodwill + the quality Jiffy peanut butter brand for sandwiches. We never were hungry, never cold, never without a toothbrush or school binder. We had what we needed, or so I thought.
I spent a long time looking for ways to recreate the bonds I knew as a child. I chased after men that were unavailable, I tried to fix or save the ones who went astray. I wanted attention, even if it was for the wrong reasons. I performed + over achieved and was desperately begging for a home outside myself. All of my security came from who ever was “out there.” I played angry victim 90% of the time, until I realized that a lot of my pain was from self affliction.
I no longer chase relationships that bring me that old ache, that old high. I can accept + forgive the past, myself included, and can rely on relationships now that are safe, consistent + reciprocal. I’ve built a life I am proud of. One that has tools to remind me of my own worth + beauty. I no longer need to search outside for what I have found within. 🤍