Here you are, on this new journey of boundary work. You have stopped and taken the time to reevaluate your beliefs and values; and maybe even learned that some of the ones you have held onto the longest don’t actually belong to you – you only believed them because someone else told you to. Maybe you have even realized that the circle you are in, whether that is friends or family, is something that you need to start setting limits around… and then it hits you… where are my safe people then?
First, know that this new change is normal. Often times when we are unsafe, stuck in survival mode, always people-pleasing, and lacking boundaries we may not have many, if any, safe people around us to go to when we realize… “Wow, my life needs a major change.”
Who are safe people? They are those who you can depend on to respect, honor, and even encourage your boundaries! Not only now but well into the future. You may be the only “safe person” in your life for now, and even still, your emotions, decisions, boundaries, and conversations may still feel a lot more shaky than safe for while. Here are some things that may help you determine a person is safe:
Unsafe sounds like:
“I’m sorry you feel that way…”
“But you have so much to be thankful for.”
“But we are your (family, best friends), how could you do this?”
“Aren’t you afraid of what everyone will think or say?”
Safe sounds like:
“I may not understand, but I will try.”
“You can feel grateful and (sad, upset, frustrated) at the same time.”
“Thank you for your honest (answer, choice, response), love you!”
“You can do this, don’t worry about what others may think.”
Unsafe people are quick to remind you of your fears and spark anxiety within you because they resist your change. Why? Because they once benefited from your compliance. Your change is also hard for them because it calls them to change and we can all empathize with change being difficult. That doesn’t excuse poor behavior and certainly doesn’t allow someone to plow over your new found boundary practice.
Stay strong and find your safe people… they are out there and if you need a community to get you started – come try Discover Your Worth! You’ve got this.
Courses on Boundaries, Heal from Codependency, Stewardship, and Rising Daughters are all available immediately for access to every active DYW member. Not only do you receive the self-paced video courses, but you get access to a monthly masterclass (including all the previous ones), bonus content, and email support with me.
Don’t wait… Join us today!
Now is the time to Discover Your Worth.