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How to Establish New Patterns When Loving Others Has Left you Hurting
We are now in 2024, and the newness of the year can feel empowering. I wanted to take this opportunity to brush up on the types of boundaries that exist and reflect on where we are at as we rest from the holiday season and start this new year off well!
Porous Boundaries
Porous boundaries are like an open gate (or no gate at all); they allow emotions and energy to flow freely. While it may initially feel beneficial, it is important to remember that porous boundaries can lead to overload and exhaustion. This style is inconsistent and confusing. Individuals with porous boundaries tend to overshare or emotionally dump. They have a hard time setting limits and are easily manipulated into compromising their beliefs to keep others happy. Similarly, they often become overly involved with others’ problems and may accept mistreatment within relationships due to a fear of abandonment. Porous boundary styles can create space for resentments, anxiety, and distrust to grow within relationships.
Key Problems:
- Overwhelm: Constantly absorbing the emotions and needs of others without addressing your own.
- Identity Loss: Struggling to maintain a distinct sense of self within relationships, becoming what others need you to be in the moment.
- Exhaustion: Feeling emotionally drained due to constant exposure to others’ feelings, saying yes to things when you want to say no, and leaving behind yourself and those who mean the most to meet the constant (and sometimes growing) needs of others who know you will tend to them.
If you are reading this and see yourself, just know that you are not alone, and many women struggle with porous boundaries! Steps towards healthy boundaries for those with this type include: Reflecting on self and leaning into your identity, recognizing and meeting your personal needs, learning to say no, and focusing on supportive friendships. If you ever need more help, know that I am always here, and I built Discover Your Worth just for this! Cheers to a beautiful new year – CJB
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