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How to Establish New Patterns When Loving Others Has Left you Hurting
Now that we’ve talked about porous and rigid boundary styles, it is important that we talk about what a healthy boundary style looks like. This is a style that makes space for change, without compromising your core values. This style allows you to be seen, heard and understood. You are able to ask for help, be vulnerable, yet you maintain a practice of wise discernment about when to share what and with who. You disengage from gossip, chaos or any behavior that does not align with your value system. You communicate kindly and clearly, and refrain from performing, pleasing or pretending to keep others happy. This healthy style allows you to show up as your best self.
Key changes when you adapt a healthy boundary style:
– Self Awareness: You become aware of YOU. What are your needs, what are your opinions, thoughts, likes and dislikes, what fills your cup and what leaves you drained. You begin to recognize moments of anxiety and see dysfunctional patterns more easily.
– Clear Communication: You are able to communicate clearly with others and no longer fear rejection or conflict. With your awareness of your needs (or the needs of your family), you are able to confidently share them with others when needed.
– Respect for others: When you start to enforce healthy boundaries in your life, you also become aware of and accepting of the boundaries of others or even invite others into your life to begin to set theirs for the very first time. You accept others’ ‘no’; you don’t panic if they don’t text back; you understand when someone can’t make it.
– Balancing independence with community: Sometimes healthy boundaries lead a community to a healthy relationship, and sometimes people find themselves in a brand new community altogether. In either case, you find that you are able to accept help, no longer fear conflict as you understand it’s necessary in relationships, you don’t fear rejection from others when you say ‘no,’ and you find that sweet spot of ‘safe people’ that leaves your heart overflowing.
The goal is to find this healthy style, which takes practice. Remember, boundaries establish trust, safety, and mutual respect, and over time, are the key to happiness, confidence, and deep-rooted (safe) relationships with others. If you are trying to walk this path well, I talk about these boundary styles in my new book ‘Loyal to a Fault,’ and you can find more on this in there as well as in the Discover Your Worth courses!
Courses on Boundaries, Heal from Codependency, Stewardship, and Rising Daughters are all available immediately for access to every active DYW member. Not only do you receive the self-paced video courses, but you get access to a monthly masterclass (including all the previous ones), bonus content, and email support with me.
Don’t wait… Join us today!
Now is the time to Discover Your Worth.