I believe you want to give and receive love… I do. Because I do too. We were created for this very thing. But over time love gets tangled. We believe loving others means sacrifice at all costs. We believe it means overlooking painful behavior, lying to keep the peace, pretending bad things aren’t happening when they are. We believe it means covering for others, helping when they can’t help themselves, and bending over backwards just to fix or rescue.
But I don’t believe this anymore.
For two decades I believed that this was love. And I loved this way because it was what I was modeled, what I was taught, what was expected. In fact, I believe generations before me believed this was love.
When I became a mother however, this all changed.
I no longer believe that I have to lie, hide or deny dysfunction, sin, or toxicity. I no longer believe that loving others well means cleaning up the mess that they aren’t willing to clean up for themselves. This kind of love is rooted in fear.
I believe when we try to prevent others from feeling the weight and pain of their decisions and actions, we aren’t loving them— we are controlling them. This serves us, not them.
If we love others like we say we do, we would let them feel the pain of their choices, because doing anything else is simply an attempt at management and control. Love is being able to sit in our own discomfort, while witnessing theirs. It is hard, but this is how we make it through.
Control and love cannot coexist.
“You can love them, or you can control them, but you can’t do both.”
Stay encouraged, friend.
XO
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