Ever wonder why you return to that relationship again? Even after all the pain it has caused you?
Trauma bonds are rooted in unhealthy patterns of behavior. These often aren’t as obvious as you would think. The interactions can be subtle… including manipulation, guilt, and passive aggressiveness.
Reflect on your relationships. Do you:
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feel indebted to them?
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feel guilty doing your own thing without them?
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harbor conflicting emotions, which leaves you unable to take any actions?
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defend or justify their behavior or “love” for you?
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work harder, hoping that if you do more, or stay around longer, they will change?
if so, you may be stuck.
These relationships are hard to break free from, so much so, that many choose to settle and engage with the unhealthy patterns instead. This can stem from your early conditioning, and the beliefs you have around what it means to be loyal, to love, and to honor others. This is also why we repeat these patterns and live unhappy.
We are wired to connect. The brain however, doesn’t care if this connection is unhealthy. In fact, unhealthy relationships can be so chaotic and confusing that they become addictive. We can literally start to crave the unpredictability, which is why many women seek out relationships that remind them of this “high” feeling.
The brain wants to optimize your resources and doing something different will be resisted. We will always go back to what we “know” because what we know is easy, even if it is unsafe or unhealthy.
Ask yourself then, what is my familiar? What is it that I “know?” If it is toxic, then your default will be to return to this time and time again. Good thing is, you can break this habit. You can notice, disengage, and rewire for healthy patterns. You are worthy of this, and more. Keep going.
XO
