I coined the term “loop around” to reflect that moment just after you communicated a boundary.
It can feel overwhelming. Scary. And boy is it quiet. Cricket quiet.
You may stare at your phone or inbox.
You begin to wonder…
Are they mad? Did they understand? Are they hurt?
And the inner dialogue gets going… fast, loud, faster, louder.
You start to panic…
I messed up. What did I just do? I have ruined everything. I over reacted, this is so silly. I am over thinking this whole thing. It isn’t that big of a deal.
And then the loop around happens.
You pick up the phone. You call, you apologize. Or you show up at their house even though you promised yourself you wouldn’t. Or you sweep it all back under the rug. You fold, you cave, you quit— on yourself and your limit.
There are a few options to avoid the loop around:
- You can call a safe and understanding friend instead. Have them encourage you and remind you that you are worthy of healthy limits.
- You can sit on your hands, literally. Don’t do anything. Just wait out the discomfort. You will live. I promise.
- You can get busy- go for a walk, wash your car, swim at the beach. Get your mind off the hard thing you just did.
- You can pray or meditate. Remind yourself that you are worthy of healthy limits, too.
- You can join DYW. This is a space I created for women just like you, doing work just like this.
You have to do things differently if you want your relationships to be different.