Little guy is doing well in the NICU (for those of you new here, we adopted a son who was born 6 weeks early, five days before his now little sister//more in highlights). If 2020 has taught me anything, it’s that my former idea of ACCEPTANCE of bending or morphing the truth to feel comfortable isn’t going to cut it anymore, but instead I’m learning again + again to lean deeply + awkwardly into the reality that is before me…
Right now, that means staring at a feeding tube that is keeping my son alive, while also juggling a newborn, my own recovery, two toddlers, and finding grace + gratitude within the wild mess. It means not looking away when my son gets tangled in the cords that are monitoring his oxygen + heart rates, and not belittling or minimizing my oldest’s big emotions when an outburst arises. It means not drowning in the “what if’s” or “if onlys” of these blessings; because that’s exactly what they are… BLESSINGS. It means not negotiating or contemplating if the timing had only been a little different… because I know Gods timing is perfect + supreme, always. It means accepting exactly where I am, trusting that this season is one of preparation, and preparation is never meant to be convenient.
