The incredibly painful realization is that most of us lose ourselves by working to keep others. Which means if they do in fact decide to leave, you’ll have lost them, AND yourself.
The work then is to become so secure with who you are, that losing them isn’t that scary. Yes, saddening. Yes, heartbreaking. Yes, disappointing. But not nearly as sad or heartbreaking or disappointing as coming home alone and still feeling entirely lonely.
How do you “keep” yourself then?
Do the work to answer (and check in often with) questions like:
Who am I without them?
What do I like?
What makes me laugh/cry?
How do I feel safe?
What does rest look like for me?
What brings me joy?
Knowing who you are outside of your relationship is key. Do not let your peace + security hinge on what they do or don’t do otherwise your life will be spent controlling and not living.
Have you worked so hard to keep someone that you lost yourself? What are you doing differently now to keep the progress you’ve gained?
