We lose trust in ourselves when our early caregivers abandon, punish or ridicule our thoughts, limits and needs. We then don’t question them, we question ourselves. Self abandonment soon follows. It can be subtle, but serious. The ramifications may take years to acknowledge, longer to heal.
When we are taught to not trust ourselves, trusting others is not an option. We fear choice making. We fear mistake making. We fear imperfections and above all— being found out. So we begin to hide, numb, and control some more. This is how we have learned to survive, find acceptance, love, and blend in.
We cling to control because this helps us feel better, temporarily. Control is our medicine. It is also our illness.
Self trust begins by noticing the desire to control. It is a practice of surrender. It’s a shedding of the old role of fixer, saver, helper. It’s setting limits on others, more importantly- on self. It’s remembering that I too, am allowed grace. Change. Healing. Trusting myself doesn’t mean it’ll always go my way. It means I can handle which ever way it goes.