How the Obsession With Self Care May Actually Be Hurting You

In marketing and advertising, self care is often used as a theme to connect emotionally with consumers, promote wellness-oriented lifestyles, and position products as essential to a person’s mental, emotional, or physical well-being.

Depending on the time of year, self care can be promoted in different ways through various campaigns and marketing. Yet most often key slogans are used to get you to subscribe, purchase or partake in whatever it is they think you need to care for yourself. Some you may be familiar with include:

1. Indulging: sometimes we see something out of your ordinary routine offered, one that is both satisfying and instantly gratifying offered. For example, Haagen- Dazs slogan is “don’t hold back” encouraging a treat yourself now tactic.
2. Wellness: of course we have all been made aware to the self care around wellness, whether it be emotional or physical. The Calm app for example, positions meditation as key for a personal self care practice.
3. Home or Lifestyle: other brands like IKEA promote organization as the key to a healthy, happy home, while Yankee Candle often frames scented candles as a way to “reset” or establish a sanctuary environment.

There are many, many more ways in which brands use the idea of self care to get you to buy their products. In fact, it is widely accepted that the number of ads we see a day is somewhere between 4,000 and 10,000!

Common Language Used in Self-Care Marketing:

• “You deserve it”
• “Take a moment for yourself”
• “Because self-care isn’t selfish”
• “Reclaim your time”
• “Treat yourself”

It is interesting to learn the the idea of self care isn’t actually new. In fact, self-care existed long before our generation. Ancient Greeks viewed the care of the self as the foundational principle of all moral rationality. 

Yet while the concept of self care isn’t new, we can all agree its main stream popularity is at an all time high. PEW Research Center reports that in the last decade, millennials are spending twice as much as boomers on self care essentials like diet plans, life coaching, apps and work out regimens. AI is even developing self care bots as friends. You can read more here.

This past Mother’s Day, I connected with a lot of mothers on social media about this very topic. There seems to be a viral movement around the idea of self care, especially targeting young mothers. And what I am seeing and hearing is, the self care obsession isn’t helpful.

While self-care marketing often promotes well-being and empowerment, it can sometimes conflict with the values or lived experiences of Christian mothers—especially those rooted in faith, service, or sacrifice.

A few reasons why I no longer subscribe to the SELF CARE movement:

1. Promotes a “Me First” Mentality

Conflict: Christian teachings often emphasize selflessness, humility, and serving others—especially within the family.
How it harms: Marketing that centers on “you first” or “put yourself above all else” can create internal conflict or guilt in Christian mothers who prioritize their families and faith responsibilities.

✍️ Example message clash: “You can’t pour from an empty cup” vs. “Lay down your life for others” (John 15:13).

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2. Creates Unrealistic or Materialistic Expectations

Conflict: Many Christian women value simplicity, modesty, and contentment.
How it harms: Self-care ads often tie wellness to luxury products (spa days, high-end skincare, retreats), which can feel financially burdensome or spiritually shallow.

🛍️ “Self-care” becomes a commodity, not a meaningful spiritual or emotional practice.

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3. Promotes Independence Over Interdependence

Conflict: Christian life is often lived in community—with God, family, and church.
How it harms: Marketing that encourages extreme independence (e.g., “you don’t need anyone”) can discourage healthy interdependence or community-based care.

🙏 Christian mothers may feel conflicted if they’re told to “disconnect” instead of leaning on prayer, scripture, or fellowship.

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4. Shames Traditional Roles or Choices

Conflict: Many Christian mothers embrace being stay-at-home moms or caretakers as a calling.
How it harms: Modern self-care messaging can subtly shame those roles by equating empowerment only with personal time, career growth, or escape from motherhood duties.

🍼 Ads that say “You’re more than just a mom” can sting when motherhood is seen as a sacred vocation.

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5. Emotional Guilt or Pressure to Perform Self-Care

Conflict: When self-care becomes another “to-do,” it loses its restorative nature.
How it harms: Christian mothers—especially those already overwhelmed—may feel guilty for not practicing marketed self-care routines, feeling like they’re failing at even “rest.”

⏰ Instead of feeling refreshed, they may feel pressured and judged: “Am I not loving myself enough?”

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6. Overlooks Spiritual Dimensions of Care

Conflict: For many Christian women, prayer, scripture, worship, and community are foundational to well-being.
How it harms: When self-care is marketed only as massages, yoga, or bubble baths, it may feel empty or disconnected from deeper spiritual nourishment.

🙌 True rest may come from Sabbath or quiet time with God, not just physical relaxation.

What I have found that has freed me from the burden of continuously caring for myself, is truly believing and trusting that my needs are being met each day by a loving Father who sees me. He is what fills my cup when I am empty. He is what satisfies my deepest longings. He is where I find my refuge, safety, and security.

Please know, I haven’t always felt this way. This hasn’t always been my perspective. As a new mom roughly ten years ago, I desperately wanted someone to notice my weariness, my sacrifice, my loneliness, my effort. And I felt that acknowledgement should come in a package of some kind; maybe flowers, or chocolate, or a spa day? But the more I sought out external validation, the more I found myself only temporarily satisfied; the emptiness would come and I’d be irritated with those I loved and on the search again.

If you are in a similar position today, feeling disappointed, under appreciated, under valued– please press these words closely to your heart:

HE NOTICES. He sees every tear you have cried, every prayer you have prayed, every middle of the night waking you have had, every crumb you have cleaned off the floor, every diaper you have changed, every sick child you have nursed, HE SEES IT ALL.

And with this shift, with truly knowing this, not only can you be set free, but you can set those around you free. You can continue on the path that Galatians 6:9 describes and “not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”

Before you think I am against any sort of mother caring for herself- please know, I am not! But I do believe like anything else, we have to hold it to a biblical standard, and not a standard that the world promotes. Here are some alternatives:

A Healthier Alternative for Christian Mothers

• Faith-integrated self-care: Emphasize prayer, scripture reading, rest in God, and community.
• Redefine self-care as stewardship: Taking care of one’s body and mind as a way to serve others better and glorify God (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).
• Value rest without guilt: Jesus modeled rest and retreat (Mark 6:31), showing it’s not selfish—it’s sacred.

If you found this helpful, would you do me a favor and forward it to a friend?

This will be my last blog before going on summer break! I hope you have a great June and July filled with special memories, sunshine, laughter, and rest. I will return to blog writing in August with some exciting news! Stay tuned!