Part of learning how to be in reciprocal relationships, is learning to spot unsafe qualities in others. Please note, we all have unsafe traits. This is because we are human! But there is a difference between working on those unsafe things and staying stagnant.
You may feel drawn to relationships that are unsafe. This may be because it is what is familiar to you. For example, if you had a caregiver growing up who was unpredictable, this may feel like “home” to you. And as an adult, you look around and notice that a majority of your close friendships are rooted in this same pattern of unpredictability.
Good news is, if you learned it, you can unlearn it.
The first step will always be acknowledgment. Becoming aware to these unsafe traits will help you better discern who to allow close to you, and who to keep at distance. And as you become more safe yourself, you won’t find unsafe people as appealing. In fact, you will learn that you are worthy of safe, healthy relationships instead.
5 signs of unsafe people:
They withdrawal or get angry when you tell them “no.”
They don’t encourage you to do things without them.
They use guilt or manipulation to get their way.
They act like you are responsible for their happiness.
They are highly attuned to your faults, so much so that they don’t acknowledge their own.
Of course there are more unsafe traits that people can have, however I have found that these tend to be the most common. When you start the work of healing from codependency or setting boundaries, unsafe people won’t be supportive of this process. They don’t like you having limits, because they are use to you being what they need you to be.
Remember, you are allowed to seek healing and wholeness.