For many years, I feared facing reality. It is why I drank, used drugs, stayed busy and fueled chaos.
I wasn’t ready or willing to be honest with myself.
It felt painful to consider that maybe, my closest loved ones were suffering. It was easier to defend their actions, justify their mistreatment of themselves and me, and to hide or lie about the addictions and dysfunction.
Instead of taking steps towards healing, I spent my energy and resources working to cover things up. To make them look pretty. To smile and act like nothing was wrong. This is what I was taught to believe about being loyal and loving well. But this job got heavy and exhausting.
I didn’t want to, but…
I had to confront the unhealthy behavior. I had to let go of being everyone else’s safety net. I had to admit that I wouldn’t be able to perform like this forever. And I had to get honest with myself and surrender what wasn’t mine to carry. It took uprooting old beliefs, identifying my core values, and getting crystal clear on the patterns of dysfunction that were hiding within my most intimate relationships.
It wasn’t easy. But over time, I started to feel more energy, peace and confidence. I no longer was consumed by guilt and fear. I am believing this all for you too, friend.
Keep going.
XO
