Your boundary isn’t to blame…
Many of the women I work with inside Discover Your Worth struggle with this concept. And I get it. I use to feel the exact same way.
When you set a boundary with someone, it may mean that they now must miss out on a milestone in your life. Maybe they can’t attend the birth of your child, maybe they aren’t invited to your wedding, or are no longer welcome at your spouse’s birthday party. This is hard.
It those in between moments leading up to that milestone thing, it is easy to become consumed by guilt. Your early conditioning may have you thinking that you have over reacted, are being selfish or unfair. It may even have you feeling pressured to fix things, just so that they don’t miss out. Especially if others around you are asking you to make things right.
Listen, this is to be expected if you are accustomed to people pleasing, performing or keeping the peace. But this isn’t your job. It never was.
It is important to remember that if you have set a boundary with someone, it is because you need safety, to create peace for yourself, and are no longer allowing yourself to live worried or responsible for trying to manage how other people act. Here is where your freedom lies. It is also important to keep in mind that the reason that person is missing out on this milestone event isn’t because of your boundary.
It is because of their choices, actions, words and behavior.
Part of this work is learning to sit in the discomfort, and allowing those you love to miss out on things that matter to you both, even if you are saddened by this. Begin to look at the long term picture and the over arching goals inside your relationships… respect, accountability, safety, encouragement, peace. This you deserve, and so do they. It takes messy intention, and not settling or falling back into your own patterns.
If they are ready and willing to do the work, then the boundary can adjust. But until then, you hold the line.
Believe behavior, not just words.