For a long while I was seen as the one who was easy to get along with. I was very “go with the flow” and non confrontational. I wanted to be liked, be accepted, fit in at any cost- even if that cost was high, like losing myself.
I spent so many years wearing masks + armor, pretending and pleasing and performing, that I no longer knew who I was. Maybe, I never did.
I was afraid of what I felt, what I thought, what could happen, what didn’t happen. I was a ticking time bomb + paralyzed, all wrapped in one. Numb and also so overcome with emotion. So distracted and yet increasingly itchy with discomfort.
One non stop oxymoron.
No wonder I was confused.
Sometimes the laid back ones are the out of touch ones, the ones that learned early to not feel or need because these feelings and needs went unmet.
Turn inward.
Hide.
Smile.
Nod.
Survive.
Healing to me has been giving myself just enough time + grace + safety to let myself out. It’s granting myself access to me, and welcoming her with a hug.
There you are. 🤍
