Ways to Care for Aging Parents

Something has been on my heart lately.

As I approach 40, I am beginning to soften.

I am especially softening towards my parents.

The things they say that used to bother me, now make me chuckle.

I see their hands in a different light; the skin thinner, more bones, wrinkles and frailty present.

The areas of disappointment that once burdened me, now filled with a hope for something new in the next life.

Those sentences I once longed for… I am sorry, I am proud of you, look at the wonderful mother you have become, released.

Moments together are no longer cloaked with unmet expectations or harbored resentments.

I see my parents for who they are. Human. Flawed. Children of God. Brothers and sisters in Christ. In desperate need of a Savior. Just like me.

We are not so different, after all.

Time together now is flexible and fluid. It isn’t constant and predictable. It is not what I imagined it to one day be, and that’s okay. Most birthday calls don’t happen. Holidays are not gathered around the table. Christmas gifts often exchanged in January, maybe February, or combined later with Easter.

It isn’t perfect, but it is still good, because I see Him in it. And I see what He has called me to be in it, for Him.

How can I honor God in this? I ask myself often?

Sometimes it’s a wrestle with my flesh. But obeying God usually is.

• Maybe I honor God by choosing to honor them through sending a card in the mail?
• Maybe I can text some photos of my kids, or extend an invite to lunch?
• Maybe it’s continuing to pray for them, or listening to that same story over and over again when they visit?
• Maybe it’s choosing to let go of the pain and words and messy moments of the past, to make room for forgiveness and restoration, for something good, ahead?
• Maybe it’s choosing to pursue ways to honor them even when I am tired, busy, don’t feel like it, or when I don’t believe they necessarily deserve it– because serving God often requires sacrifice and isn’t always going to be convenient.

Maybe it’s simply keeping my heart open, and letting the softening continue.

I don’t know what your relationship looks like with your own parents or in-laws, but I pray that this serves you in some small way.

Below you will find a few resources that have encouraged me in this area. Remember, it is possible to hold both grief and gratitude this season.

P.S. This will be my last blog post for 2024! I am taking a few weeks off but will resume January 2025. I pray you have a wonderful holiday season with friends and family!