this is what our girl’s should be learning about God and their relationship with food.

Happy January friends! My winter break has been wonderful. Many mornings were spent lounging in pajamas and early evenings swimming in our back yard pool. It was a nice change of rhythm with no deadlines, homework, or soccer practices to attend. We had the pleasure of being in a good friend’s wedding, enjoyed a Disney cruise together, and I got to celebrate my 40th birthday with a small group of close friends and family. My heart is full, and yet I am excited to get back in the office!

During this time away, I got to engage in many conversations with my daughters. Have you ever thought you’ve taught your kid something, only to later chat with them about it and to your dismay, realize nothing has landed in that sweet mind or heart of theirs? That has been me lately. As I have personally been explore my own relationship with control, God, food, and my patterns of eating this past year– I am becoming more convicted that my own confusion started early on… perhaps around my own tween daughter’s age.

Some of the statements that totally caught me off guard have been:

“mom, why are my thighs so fat?”

“Bella said I shouldn’t eat all my snack or I’ll get big.”

“yea but aren’t lots of calories bad?”

You see I thought my girls understood why we eat. I thought they knew about God’s design for food as a gift; a source of nourishment, healing, life. I thought the way I talk about my body was setting a positive example. I really believed that they understood food to be a conduit for fellowship, connection, and hospitality. I thought they knew after making meals at church together for those in need, that they knew food could be used as a tool to serve others. And yet these comments revealed to me that these truths were not clear for them. That there was something MORE happening just beneath the surface. That perhaps even, their own worth and identity was being doubted.

For the first time, I realized I can’t leave this up to chance. I can’t just hope that she has a “good” relationship with her body and food. And I can’t just assume that she gets it, because clearly she doesn’t. There is greater, most consistent influences happening around my daughter. And those messages are getting louder and louder for her.

God has gifted me three girls, and with that comes responsibility. As their mother, I have the privilege of laying a foundation in Truth. The world cannot empower our daughters to know, understand and embrace God’s design for her body and her relationship with food– because it isn’t capable. Only God can do that.

Moreso, the world is feeding her lies about herself. Consider the popularity of the Ozempic “solution,” or the magazine stands filled with photos that are highly edited, or the social media influencers who are demanding her attention. Never before has there been a perfect storm like this one, attacking the vulnerability, naivety, and uncertainty of the up and coming tween girl.

But this is what I know. Before mirrors, Eve saw God. She was a reflection of Him. And while that was tainted in the garden, it has been restored for us who believe through Jesus. While our girls are facing a world that challenges who they are, let us rest assured in knowing that He who is in us is greater than anything that this world can throw our way (1 John 4:4) We do not have to fear, but we also can’t sit back idle or passive.

I don’t know about you, but I am ready to take back what the enemy has tried to steal. I want to feel confident about what I look like, the purpose behind what I put on my plate, and reject the status quo of today’s beauty standards. I want my girls maturing into women who have certainty about who they are, a body image that is well established in HIM, and a confidence that is unwavering as they pursue the calling He has placed on their lives.

I know this may feel like an uphill battle, especially if you have had your own difficulty in this area. You may be saying to yourself:

“yea this all sounds great, but I have never felt good about myself or my body. Who am I to teach my daughters something I have yet to learn?”

To which I would gently respond: now is the time!

I believe God wants to do a good work through you, to break strongholds that have quite possibly hindered and hurt many generations of women before you.

You don’t have to know exactly how you will do it. You don’t have to worry about being perfect. But you do have to choose to begin. Allow the Holy Spirit to guide you as you go. He will encourage you in moments that feel overwhelming, and He will give you the words to say and the grace and wisdom to venture down this new path.

As promised on social media, I have created something new for you to begin having consistent, ongoing conversations with your daughters. This shouldn’t be a one time big thing, but rather you should offer what I am calling “small bites.” It is titled 10 things a ten-year-old girl should know about God and her relationship with food. As you read through it, consider printing it out for a visible reminder. And if this has helped you in any way, please forward this email to a friend.

My hope for you is that you will feel encouraged and that you would look for opportunities to gently share these solid truths with your daughter. Invite her into the conversations, engage neutrally with her questions and curiosities, and over time establish yourself (through consistency, grace and patience) a voice of authority that she can trust.

I pray this season we all learn to rely on Him as King David did when he said “LORD, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure” (Psalm 16:5).