Summer Transition Tips

For many summer is a long awaited season. Schedules slow down, there are less activities to get to, no lunches or backpacks to manage, and ushering in sweet mornings lounging longer in pajamas.

And while rest and less structure is so important (I repeat, SO important!) it often can bring about some surprising behavioral changes with your children. You may be noticing some more tantrums, impatience, talking back, or sassy attitude during this summer transition time. If so, this blog post is for you!

First of all, I want to remind you that this is totally NORMAL. Imagine just for a moment, you are a child who has most days completely structured and predictable. Everyday, they attend school at the same time, with the same teacher, in the same building, with the same friends. After school, everything is usually the same, too. Snack, that activity or practice, dinner, then bedtime. You get it.

Then suddenly, that all changes drastically! Yes, of course your children are excited to go on that trip, or to move up a grade, or to not have homework. But this excitement can actually exacerbate those less than pleasant behaviors. Why? Well children are still learning how to regulate their emotions. And an unpredictable environment and routine (even in a good way!) can increase anxiety, which often leads to outbursts of frustration, overwhelm or irritability.

Simply put, children need adults to help them practice regulation. The first way they can do that is by staying regulated themselves. This means when your child is having a complete meltdown, it won’t help if you too are melting down, yelling, or threatening. I have not always been perfect at this. If you have read my book Loyal to a Fault, you may remember the chapter I wrote on about triggers. When my children would lose their cool, I would too. Over the years I have had to get to the root of why I was parenting from a place of fear, and begin to practice parenting from a place of confidence and faith instead (which I detail in that chapter).

In addition, it is helpful to provide some soft “anchor points” throughout the day. These are things that children can concretely expect and hinge their day upon, that will provide them some predictability (and allow their nervous system to feel safe).

For our home, I use a white board to display anchors. On this board, I put a few pictures that describe the day. I may put up a photo of grandma if she is visiting, or of the sitter if she is helping that day, or we may write out for my older children more specifics like surf camp, lunch out, a playdate plan, pool or movie time. A white board is also helpful when planning a trip. Consider printing out some photos of what the airplane may look like, where the hotel is, or some activities that you may do in the town you’re visiting. It doesn’t have to be elaborate or even super accurate. The point is to give children a general visual which allows them to have some agency over their day and confidence in what to expect as they develop a mental picture (which reduces anxiety, and eventually some of those unwanted behaviors!)

Finally, scripts play a huge part in helping ME help my children during transitions. They give me some go to responses which help me stay regulated if and when things in our day get derailed. I am sure to remind my children through out the day that the schedule is flexible because we can be flexible, while holding the limit when things don’t go their way.

Some scripts I may use may sound like:

“Yes, I know this is not on the schedule but we can be flexible and get back on track after.”

“You are right, this wasn’t a part of the plan, but we can roll with it today and look for the good that may come our way!”

“I wasn’t expecting it to rain today either, and I am disappointed too. Maybe we can work together to find another afternoon activity. Any ideas?”

The truth is, these tips for summer transitions are helpful, but they aren’t the source of our peace. Our safety is found in our faith. As a Christian mother, it is important that this narrative remain front and center throughout our day. While a white board, anchor points, and scripts bring some relief to our day, we don’t put our hope and trust in these things.

This I declare about the LORD: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him. Psalm 91:2

Remember, while summer may be more flexible and fluid, boundaries should remain consistent. For our home, this includes keeping their rooms tidy, a daily allotted time for TV, and getting to bed on time. These are non negotiable, regardless of the time of year and benefit us all as a family long term.

If you are having a hard time identifying your family core values to establish boundaries, assertively communicating, or working wisely through triggers, be sure to snag a copy of my book below for some practical support.