Control is still my worst enemy. It’s my Achilles heel.
It shows up as micromanaging my children and their activities and their emotions and their responses and words and… well you get it, all for the sake of being a “good mother.”
It shows up as the way I run my household that goes from efficient to 👉🏼 drill sergeant … pushing out joy and happiness and any possibility for spontaneity, because there’s nothing worse than spontaneity for a control freak like me 🙈
It shows up as over thinking and over “producing” and distraction even… in my personal life and in my work. Because the busier I stay the easier it is to play the game of denial.
It shows up as discontentment in myself and my progress, and disapproval for those I love most.
It’s sneaky, deceitful, and dangerous.
I tune in now, because control can look helpful, caring and beneficial. It feels safe, productive and appealing. It even… dare I say it?Can look like something you may want too. Society, after all rewards the do-ers. The go getters. The hustlers.
Truth is, surrender is hard. And it’s a practice.
It’s reminding myself that I can trust the woman I am to be okay when things don’t go how I think they should. And heck, maybe they’ll go even better. It’s peeling my sweaty grip off my children and my spouse and my career and my relationships, time and time again. It’s leaning into a faith who knows more about me and the direction I’m headed than I do, after all, He designed it.
It’s spelling out control for what it is… “I’m scared, and this makes me feel better, even if just temporarily.”
🤍 what are you surrendering today?
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