Mothers are under a ton of pressure these days. We are to work from home, teach from home, and entertain our babies all day, everyday. We then question our happiness, our mental health suffers, and we often don’t have anyone to ask for help or guidance.
No one gave me permission to set boundaries in my household. I never learned this “language” as a child. The boundaries journey for me started as an adult with those outside my home and as a last attempt to end my own inner suffering. But slowly as I healed and as my practice evolved, I realized I had to utilize them with even my closest, loveliest little people. What came as a surprise to me, was how much my children began to thrive from these limits too.
I never knew I was allowed to leave my baby to play on their own for a bit. I thought I had to entertain them all day. I never knew I was allowed to use the bathroom even if it meant leaving my baby crying in a safe place for a bit, I thought it made me a bad mother. I never knew I was allowed to have date night with my husband guilt free, or put them to bed early enough in their own space so him and I could have intimate time together.
My child ran my world for the first year or so. My energy, my joy, my health all suffered. I was drowning + miserable + scared. I thought I had to martyr myself + dismantle my needs to be a good mom. I believed the lie and put on the show.
I no longer feel guilty for setting loving limits within our home. My children don’t “need” me 24/7 like I had originally believed. The big kids know how to be bored. The babies can whine + find their hand to stare at while I make dinner. And I no longer carry guilt for giving my children moments to play, rest or have their own space away from me. I can’t be their entire world forever, and they can’t be mine. But damn we sure can enjoy each other’s worlds much better these days!! With laughter, freedom + genuine appreciation.
They feel safe + loved + secure not because I entertain or hold them all the time. They feel safe + loved + secure because we have established routines that run on trust, communication, faith + boundaries.