The Secure Attachment style usually stems from a child who is able to express needs very early on, and learned to trust that her caregiver would respond appropriately + predictably to this expression.
⭐️When this child becomes a parent themselves, they usually are incredibly practiced at coregulating with their child because they have had this same practice with their former caregiver. Big emotions do not scare them, and are welcomed with patience + curiosity. If the parent does become triggered, they acknowledge that this is their own work to address. They create a safe space for feelings to be heard, honored + felt without judgment, for both themselves + their child.
Healthy boundaries are a primary source of safety within this relationship. There is no role reversal between caregiver + child, no shaming/blaming or dismissive tactics to force behavioral change, and no use of guilt, withdrawal or threats as a means to control.
This relationship isn’t a perfect one, nor is it without hurdles or hardships. However it does focus on consistency + an authentic desire to connect + grow. This parent understands that she is the child’s advocate + safe container until the child can become their own. Once the child begins to blossom in their own unique autonomy, the parent slowly begins to let go + manages their own joy + grief with tenderness.
A video + tools to shift from anxious, fearful and/or dismissive avoidant styles into this SECURE attachment style coming later this week. For now, share with me your experience. Did your parents provide this for you? If not, what are you working to heal + provide for your own children through this awareness?
