I’ve realized that I was never toxic. Instead, I carried toxic patterns. Patterns like gossiping, ghosting, using drugs, promiscuity, lying, gas lighting, etc to protect myself from myself. Patterns that ran my world. I never felt worthy, good enough, or safe. So this was my way of manufacturing my own inner safety. I hurt a lot of people along the way. I knew this, but didn’t think I had another option.
We throw around the term “toxic people” whenever we see these harmful behaviors arise. But people aren’t toxic, their patterns are. Some may never break free from them. However I believe we can heal when we notice + begin to change these patterns. We simply can’t just stop or remove the old, we must replace it with new. New tools to communicate, to feel, to deal. New tools to unleash + preserve our authentic selves each day. Tools that really establish safety in our minds, bodies + souls. Tools that repair the damage + contribute to a recovering nervous system. It isn’t easy, but it’s always worth it.
