Monsters in the Night

One evening I found myself battling a subtle bout of anxiety. I laid in bed next to my husband, as he dozed off to sleep. I wasn’t quite sure why I was feeling the way I did… maybe it was simply the coming down from a busy week… a sick child, a heavy paper due for school, or that caffeine from a later than usual afternoon coffee…

Whatever the cause – it was there.

I am no stranger to anxiety and depression. I have had many long seasons of struggles with my own mental health (check out this old post for 6 Tips to Tame Your Anxiety). Before doing some deep inner work, I would search for something to alleviate the discomfort quickly:

• a decade ago- another glass of wine or pill
• five years ago- a middle of the night snack
• a year ago- a quick scroll on social media

But today, I no longer search for relief in these things. Instead, I search for it in someone. The only One I have found that can truly take on all my anxieties because He cares for me. 1 Peter 5:7.

It is an interesting thing, being a mom. Some days it feels as though I am learning to walk with Christ at the same pace my children are. Maybe that is both the benefit and consequence of being a first generation Christian. It is worth the tension, none the less.

My children still occasionally wake due to a nightmare. In the past, I found myself saying what perhaps lots of moms say, “monsters aren’t real, you are fine, let’s get back to bed.”

But then it dawned on me… maybe those monsters (anxieties), those dark shapes in the night, feel real to them? Is there a better way I can respond and equip them to overcome that fear?

One particular night, my son’s nightmare felt awfully real to me too. He woke terrified of not just any monster in his room, but of a snake. “It bit my hand mama!” I could feel his heart racing as I pulled him close.

A snake… WOW.

This is the moment when I decided to change how I respond to their nightmares. And it’s how I now respond to my own anxieties too.

Son, do you know who you have inside of you?

Yes mama, Jesus.

Yes, and Jesus is like a lion. Do you know what a lion says?

Yes mama… R O A R!!!!!

That’s right. He roars like a lion. And do you know what lions do to snakes?

No mama, what do they do?

They crush them.

Ohhhh. So the lion is the good guy? (he categorizes all superheroes this way)

Yes, the lion is the good guy. And Jesus the lion wins, EVERY TIME.

Sometimes my anxiety feels just like that snake in my son’s dream… slithering around, working to distract, deceive, and discourage me. My thoughts begin to swirl, my heart races, and I start to conjure up a narrative that leaves me often feeing drained and defeated.

But I am not defeated. I just have to remember that the snake has already been crushed. The victory is mine because of the work of that powerful lion of Judah, the same one who reigns yesterday, today, and forever. I don’t have to go to bed or wake afraid anymore. I don’t have to live in fear. I can remember who goes before me. And so can you.

It’s March which means for many of you your New Year’s resolutions have sadly failed. But don’t be discouraged! What we do is highly driven by what we value. If you haven’t identified your core values and are eager to design a life you love with intention, take a look at the free devotional I have available below.