I wish I could whisper this to that young woman, laying on the couch at her friend’s apartment, hung over + weary + lost.
I didn’t know then where I’d be today. I can tell you honestly, I had no hope. I was bartending until 2a most nights, staying out until the sun came up after that. My head was throbbing, as I wondered how I’d get the money to fix the flat tire on my car after hitting a curb driving intoxicated, again. I began to cry, warm tears hitting my cheeks, as I stared up at the ceiling fan. My whole body ached. Is this all there is?
I had no direction. No passion. I had no energy. I had no family. I had no one to motivate or encourage me. I had no money saved + all my dreams had drifted away.
My boyfriend had just dumped me. He dropped off a bag of my stuff on my friends apartment door step that morning. It was about all I could take. He was the last thing that mattered to me, and now he was gone too.
I didn’t know I’d one day marry that man. I didn’t know I’d go back to college + later be accepted to an Ivy League graduate school. I didn’t know I’d ever write again and share this work + build real friendships + no longer need drugs or alcohol to numb. I didn’t know I’d become a mama to four precious souls, find my passions + voice, and turn back to Jesus as my Savior + WayMaker.
It’s been more valleys than peaks.
More tears than celebrations.
More discomfort than contentment.
It’s not how I would have planned it.
But I wouldn’t change a thing.
If this is you, I see you.
It won’t always feel this way.
It will work out.