I have shared here how I spent over two years estranged from my parents + siblings. I was newly sober, newly pregnant + my body was shutting down. I had shingles, anxiety, panic attacks and insomnia. I was extremely codependent, filled with constant fear + disappointment. I would lash out in rage + recoil in shame. I was stuck, scared and confused.
Boundaries were my saving grace. They brought me closer to my husband, to God, and to my true self. I began to heal, to see clearer. I was no longer a victim. I took responsibility for my part, I reclaimed my power. I rolled my shoulders back, lifted my chin, no longer avoided eye contact. I spoke my truth, through tears at times. But I was finally set free.
My healing journey hurt a lot of people. It disrupted a system that had never before been challenged. My freedom reminded some of their own shackles. This caused more of a rift than the initial fracture. It had to. That’s okay.
Since, I have reconciled with my parents. It has been slow + intentional. Some days are harder than others. It will never be how it was before, and that’s good news. I don’t want to rebuild. I want to start over. Fresh. New space for new opportunities to make new memories. The old isn’t forgotten, it just doesn’t hold the reins. Once again, boundaries have been my saving grace. Our saving grace.
The work is messy. I still struggle. The goal was never reconciliation with others. I just needed peace. I needed rest. I needed predictability + stability. What I really needed was to reconcile with myself— I needed ME again, before there could ever be an US.
You aren’t naive for returning to someone who has hurt you. You are human. You long for connection + you overflow with hope. I see you. Boundaries are your gatekeeper, your saving grace. You never need to lose yourself again. 🤍 keep going