Recently we visited the local library, and to my dismay came across an entire selection of books in the children’s aisle covering topics on gender identities, gay hookups, sexual orientations, masturbation tips, and so much more.
I shouldn’t have been so surprised, after all it is a public library that offers an array of reading material on various topics. I mean, it isn’t a Christian book store. But what did surprise me was that this material was found in the juvenile section. Imagine your daughter glancing through children’s recipe books or princess tales, and stumbling upon these?
Most of the material worked to affirm a youth’s potential feelings, curiosities and emotions. Some of the sentences that stood out to me the most included:
“sex is designed by nature”
“some people are sexually turned on by the same gender”
“some people are gay or straight, and some change many times through out their life”
“you can be a girl or a boy”
“you have plenty of time to figure out your gender”
“gender isn’t fixed”
“masturbation is important in figuring out what feels good for you”
For a brief moment I wanted to shield my girls from these books. I wanted to hide their eyes from reading these words. I was disgusted that so called “experts” in child psychology, counseling, and pediatric care would write content like this. But then I stopped. The Gospel is still veiled, and any sort of biblical truth sounds foolish, controlling and even unloving to them.
This conversation is clearly already happening, not just in the public library, but on the school bus, at the doctor’s office, and sadly even in some churches. So why not partake in it? More importantly, why not set a solid biblical foundation before them?
These cultural narratives aren’t going away anytime soon. Statistics are showing that social contagion is in part why so many are now identifying as “nonbinary.” Social contagion refers to the spread of behaviors, attitudes, emotions, or ideas through a group or community, much like a contagious disease. It’s sorta like what happens when one person starts laughing, then others do, even if they don’t know why.
One page in particular really made my eyes widen. An entire page in bold font listing off all the different options for gender. The “and so many more!” part really got to me.
I can’t help but think back to when I first had my daughter and a parenting blog suggested limiting her options. When offering her a choice, just give her two options to choose from she wrote. For example, if she wanted a juice I would offer her just apple or orange; not apple, orange, grapefruit, carrot, tangerine, etc. Or when getting dressed, give her two outfit options “do you want the blue shirt or the yellow dress today?” This has helped alleviate the confusion and overwhelm. It would later prove to continue being a benefit with the three siblings of hers that followed, and still does to this day (for me and them!) This simple shift helps minimize frustration and indecisiveness that often comes with too many options.
To this point, the Barna group has revealed research on Gen Z specifically. This generation now uses relationships to self actualize or self express, as opposed to generations before them who sought out relationships for marriage and to establish a family. And while Gen Z has the highest rate of now identifying as LGBTQ and gender “fluid,” they also report having higher rates of anxiety and depression.
What this research is showing is that more options doesn’t lead to more happiness, and while it isn’t as simple as an outfit or a juice selection, I don’t believe it has to be as complicated as it has gotten either. This generation, sometimes called “the open generation” seems to not be benefitting from their pursuit of personal truth regarding sexual preferences and gender. Maybe sticking with two options is still a good idea after all (male/female, husband/wife).
The good news is, while we can’t control our kids or predict their future, we can work to lay a solid foundation for them that is rooted in biblical truths. The social trends and cultural narratives are ever changing, but God’s word is consistent and unchanging. We are called to do the messy and good work of stewarding the hearts and minds of our children. Think about how often we already do this! We are deliberate when talking to them about other areas: online safety use, stranger danger, physical and personal boundaries, substance abuse awareness, mental health, etc. Why withhold engaging with them regarding the pressing issues of gender identity and sexual orientation?
The world wants to pressure us into believing that the most loving thing we can do is affirm our child’s feelings and thoughts. And while their feelings and thoughts are valuable and important, they aren’t the authority. The most loving thing we can do is often the most unpopular and uncomfortable, and that is affirm God’s truth in and over their lives.
So instead of praying it away or hoping our children don’t pick up on some of the lies and deception circulating in the media, we can choose to be intentional about conversations that include truths like:
“some may say you can pick to be a boy or girl, but gender isn’t fluid, it is fixed by God.”
“how we feel about being a boy or girl doesn’t change our gender. God hasn’t made a mistake with you.”
“sex is designed by God for pleasure between a married man and woman.”
“it is confusing to think about being more than who you are, because that is a lie of the enemy. Good thing you don’t have to figure it out, God already did for you! He created you how He wanted right inside your mother’s womb.”
At the end of the day, we either believe God or we don’t. We can’t be partial on these topics, as there is no neutral ground. Either the whole narrative of scripture is true, or it isn’t. We can’t cherry pick what suits our needs in this place and time. We must know what we believe and why, helping our children to do the same. Their lives, bodies, sexuality, future marriages and families, and ultimately their souls matter immensely to God, which is why they are worth speaking up and fighting for.
If you are stuck, unsure, or scared to have this ongoing conversation with your kids, I would just encourage you to pray. To read your Bible. To ask the Holy Spirit to direct and guide your words. He will equip you and He will help you discern. Below you will find some more resources to help you in this area.
- What I am listening to this week: this Foundation Worldview episode on Talking to Kids about homosexuality
- What I am reading this week: finishing up this book for grad school and this article on Gender Identity
- A favorite this week: these play doh eggs for preschool easter egg hunt and I can’t recommend this course enough about young kids and sex by Birds and Bees
I promised to share on the #skinnytok trend but will have to hold off until next time. But would you do me a favor? If there is a mom you think that would benefit from this sort of content, would you forward her this email? With so many no longer on social media, it helps when current readers share with a friend so we can all become equipped, and work together to equip the next generation.
