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Courtney J. Burg

Courtney J. Burg

writer, speaker, and teacher

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Higher pain threshold

Courtney J. Burg, Writer + Mentor
February 2, 2021


higher-pain-threshold.jpg

I always thought I was the stronger one. The bullet proof one. The one who could be lit on fire without blinking. I always thought I saw the best in people… this was my super power, right? ⁠
⁠
Before they even had a chance to defend themselves, I was doing it for them. I would justify their behaviors + even narrate a story around it that suited me so that I felt better about being the doormat. ⁠
⁠
I took the “higher road,” the road that allowed others to continue treating me like trash because, I was the tough one, the more understanding one. I could take it. This is what I told myself. Why? It was easier. ⁠
⁠
It was easier than: ⁠
setting a boundary⁠
cutting someone off⁠
walking away⁠
speaking up ⁠
sharing my heart⁠
accepting the truth⁠
wanting more ⁠
healing ⁠
advocating for my needs⁠
feeling uncomfortable⁠
expanding…⁠
⁠
I never understood fully the part I played in some of my worst relationships. I loved being the hero, even though I never saved anyone. I loved being the fixer, even though I never fixed anyone. I loved being the angry, resentful, irritated, confused one… because letting go was too hard. I was willing to abandon myself at all costs. And it got expensive. ⁠
⁠
I was so used to being in pain that I was afraid of life without it. I didn’t want to work to live free of the suffering, so I pushed myself to this threshold whenever I could. It was familiar, safe, it was home. ⁠
⁠
Today I know my threshold is still high. But I no longer need to reach it to feel alive. ❤️

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About the Author

Courtney J. Burg

Mama of four. Writer. Saved by Jesus, boundaries + dry shampoo. ✨ Reminding women of their worth.

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