In my last newsletter, I introduced the Bridges’ 3-phase framework of transition — Ending, Wilderness, New Beginning — that I used to develop a model to help you help your daughter progress from childhood into her tween (and later teen) years effectively. I believe this is so important, as for many of us, we felt either held back and “babied” by our moms, or were thrown into womanhood too soon.
As Bridge’s wrote “unless people can make a real ending, they will be unable to make a successful beginning.” Regardless of how your own mother may have helped or hurt you during those transition years, it’s essential to know now that you can help your daughter both say goodbye to childhood, and step into young adult hood with confidence and purpose.
In Part 1 we reviewed the ending phase and touched on different signs and symptoms of her leaving childhood. Then, we dove into the “wilderness” phase, which is often a difficult in between phase because she isn’t a child anymore, but she isn’t a teenager (yet). In both I offered reflections and activities to consider to help you acknowledge where she is and hopefully allow you an opportunity to feel supported and establish a closer bond during what sometimes can feel like an uncertain and treacherous terrain. If you missed it, be sure to head back HERE to review it before moving on.
Let’s get into the final stage of the process. It is important to keep in mind that she may take two steps forward, then one back. This is normal! While it may be linear in nature, it won’t be entirely straight forward the entire way. Be patient with her (and yourself).
PART 3: Entering New Land (The Beginning of Tween/Teen Years)
Objective: Marks the beginning of her teen years with purpose and a renewed sense of identity rooted in Christ.
Key Topics to Keep in Mind during this phase:
- Helping Her Embrace Womanhood Without Worldly Pressure: who she is in Christ will look different than who the world is telling her a woman she be. Help her spot the difference.
- Calling Out Her Gifts and Purpose: early on girls are objectified and sexualized. It is important you speak to her heart and notice the positive changes in her character as she matures. This counters the constant pressure to fit in to a culture that rewards primarily her appearance.
- Celebrating Milestones: A Coming-of-Age Ceremony: Many consider doing this around the year she starts driving. There are many ideas online for a “rite of passage” ceremony. If you feel like you “missed” this, remember it’s never too late to go back and celebrate this with her. Spend time talking about what your mom did (or didn’t do) with you during this time.
- Strengthening the Mother-Daughter Bond: Many moms feel they lose tough and closeness with their girls as they age. But I don’t believe we have to subscribe to this mentality or perspective. We can be grateful for the toddler years, and excited for the years to come, even if that means finding new and creative ways to connect and strengthen your bond!
Reflection & Activities to consider:
- Spiritual Gift Discovery Tools for Teens: many churches offer this! Encourage her to take a spiritual assessment and to begin serving using her gifts.
- “Daughter of the King” Affirmation Cards: I love cards or little notes for all ages and stages! Many of these are available on Etsy and can be placed on her dashboard, her vanity, or in her homework binder as a reminder. You can never tell her too much who she is in Christ.
- Monthly One-on-One Devotionals: consider getting her a more mature devotional that she can begin doing with you or on her own. A fun new pen set is never a bad idea!
A few final thoughts: This guide is meant to be practical, yet deeply personal. It is also relational, not prescriptive. My hope is that it will get you thinking more about this transition period and how you can support the bond between you and your daughter. And while you are working to support her during these inevitable changes, be sure you are tending to your needs to. Move your body, pray, lean into wise friends.
- What I am listening to this week: I was recently on Heather Thompson’s podcast talking about body image with your tween/teen.Take a listen here.
- What I am reading this week: For a break from my required school readings this semester, I have been enjoying this book on Chatter and the ongoing conversations in our heads.
- A favorite this week: I don’t wear a ton of jewelry, but do like to have a band on to symbolize my marriage. I decided to purchase this silicone ring – its so comfortable I have been even wearing it to bed!
