Many of the women I work with have a hard time saying “no.” They are people pleasers who are so accustomed to giving without reservation. So much so, that they are living with anxiety, exhaustion, and unhappiness.
It doesn’t have to be this way.
If you cringe at saying “no,” maybe begin to look at finding a small limit within your YES.
Follow these 3 simple steps:
Pause: before jumping into saying “yes,” take a moment to pause. You never have to respond right away. There is so much power in this simple practice.
Reflect: Ask yourself “do I have the resources to do this?” Resources being, your time, money, mental load, work calendar, sitter help, rest etc. Get clear on what you can and cannot do, before responding.
Secure the limit: Communicate in a kind and clear way your limit. You don’t have to explain yourself, defend it, or ask for their approval.
Let’s see what this looks like in an everyday example. Your friend calls and asks if you can help with the after school fundraiser next month. You pause, and tell her you will check your calendar and get back to her. You then reflect on your resources and get really honest about what you can and can’t do. Finally, you call her back and graciously share what you are able to commit to with confidence and kindness. This may sound like, “hey I am really excited and able to help you plan the event leading up to it, but I won’t actually be in attendance day of.”
You friends, co workers and family will respect and appreciate having your clear limitations. They know what to expect and it leaves no room for confusion, disconnect, or bitterness. Win-win!
Practice the Pause! Reflect on values, resources allotted. You don’t have to answer or commit to anything immediately. Often a people pleaser will react out of fear and YES YES YES to all the things.
Try this out and let me know how it goes for you.